Holding the Silence: Powerful Listening

Silence may mean quietness or refraining from making any noise. Some powerful synonyms
are stillness, hush and calm. The dictionary concludes that silence means not speaking, ignoring
something, to suppress something or to stop someone from making noise. Silence can be powerful within communication systems, including, ironically, mere conversation. As you have surely found, that silence properly placed in a heated argument can bring an element of strategic leverage and emphasis. Silence on the other end of a phone line can speak volumes or invoke fear and insecurity.



Certain personality profiles cause people to talk more than others. Many times leaders struggle
with silence for various reasons. Some reasons leaders and managers resist silence is the fear of what may fill the silence from the other person. Also, some just think they have more important things to say. Other leaders just are insecure and resistant to the fact that others possibly have a better idea or solution.



Silence, on the other hand, can be like dynamite in a conversation. As a great coach learns to
hold silence, as a leader why not try it on for size? When someone listens, really listens to you, how do you feel? Do you feel understood? Do you feel appreciated? Do you feel that you have value? Holding your silence as a team member speaks will give you better insight and understanding. I believe that as you practice using silence when other leaders are speaking with you that you will become more powerful because your discernment and wisdom will go up and up. You will transform into a powerful listener who hears and understands.



Next time a friend or family member is telling you a story, work hard at holding the silence.
Sometimes it can become so heavy you can barely hold on. Practice this. You will be amazed, as I have been, at how you will hear more and understand more as you keep quiet. Listen behind the story. As you keep silent try to hear the essence of what they are saying. As a leader or manager this will serve you well. It actually could be life-changing for you.



Remember that silence brings a calm to a conversation and the peace may even extinguish
some heated emotions. It could be that you will desire to have some communication coaching or have a coach demonstrate holding the silence in your sessions to model the technique. If you have a meeting coming up or a crucial conversation, attempt to hold the silence and see what happens. This one technique may change your leadership style and bring some great power to your influence.


a reprint from Rick Forbus of TROVE, Inc