Two Tips to Being a Better Listener

Listening, really listening is probably the weakest skill for many managers. HR managers are no exception. Quite often while listening we are already formulating what our response is going to be and thus we do not hear the rest of what is said. Here are two tips that will make you a better listener.

Listening is as important as speaking

Seth Godin, in his post entitled How to Listen, basically says that the listener has as heavy an obligation in an interaction as does the speaker. After all, no idea is communicated if the person being spoken to is not listening. Listening is hard work and needs to be practiced. So here are two things that will make you a better listener.

Be an active listener

Show people you are actually listening. As Seth Godin says “Pay back the person who’s speaking with enthusiasm.” This means your expression, your questions, your nodding, and your posture. We all know how irritating it is to talk to someone, or try to talk to someone, who is not looking at you and not responding to what you are saying. Spouses experience this all the time. But so do employees talking to their managers.

Play back what you hear

One of the best ways to confirm to someone that you listened to them is to feedback to them what you heard. It does not need to be a “tape recording” of what they said; it can be your version. In fact it should be your version so that you can demonstrate that you actually understood them. Godin says “Don’t ask questions as much as make statements, building on what you just heard but making it your own. Take what you heard and make it the foundation for what you are trying on as your next idea.”

Bonus tip

If you disagree with what the person is saying don’t jump in to immediately shoot the idea down. Wait until they are done speaking and think for a moment on EVERYTHING they said. If after that you still disagree then explain why. Focus on the idea and not the person.

Godin had a great closing remark that I think all managers should apply to their dealings with their employees. He said “The best way to honor someone who has said something smart and useful is to say something back that is smart and useful. The other way to honor them is to go do something with what you learned.” This promotes the useful interchange and exchange of ideas. Your employees, and for that matter your spouses, children and friends, will be much more likely to talk you and feel valued as a result.

by Michael Haberman of OmegaGRsolutions.com 

Holding the Silence: Powerful Listening

Silence may mean quietness or refraining from making any noise. Some powerful synonyms
are stillness, hush and calm. The dictionary concludes that silence means not speaking, ignoring
something, to suppress something or to stop someone from making noise. Silence can be powerful within communication systems, including, ironically, mere conversation. As you have surely found, that silence properly placed in a heated argument can bring an element of strategic leverage and emphasis. Silence on the other end of a phone line can speak volumes or invoke fear and insecurity.



Certain personality profiles cause people to talk more than others. Many times leaders struggle
with silence for various reasons. Some reasons leaders and managers resist silence is the fear of what may fill the silence from the other person. Also, some just think they have more important things to say. Other leaders just are insecure and resistant to the fact that others possibly have a better idea or solution.



Silence, on the other hand, can be like dynamite in a conversation. As a great coach learns to
hold silence, as a leader why not try it on for size? When someone listens, really listens to you, how do you feel? Do you feel understood? Do you feel appreciated? Do you feel that you have value? Holding your silence as a team member speaks will give you better insight and understanding. I believe that as you practice using silence when other leaders are speaking with you that you will become more powerful because your discernment and wisdom will go up and up. You will transform into a powerful listener who hears and understands.



Next time a friend or family member is telling you a story, work hard at holding the silence.
Sometimes it can become so heavy you can barely hold on. Practice this. You will be amazed, as I have been, at how you will hear more and understand more as you keep quiet. Listen behind the story. As you keep silent try to hear the essence of what they are saying. As a leader or manager this will serve you well. It actually could be life-changing for you.



Remember that silence brings a calm to a conversation and the peace may even extinguish
some heated emotions. It could be that you will desire to have some communication coaching or have a coach demonstrate holding the silence in your sessions to model the technique. If you have a meeting coming up or a crucial conversation, attempt to hold the silence and see what happens. This one technique may change your leadership style and bring some great power to your influence.


a reprint from Rick Forbus of TROVE, Inc